Whoa, time flies.

Wow, It has been a little while. 2015 was the year that made me suspicious something terrible was going to happen, because so many wonderful things happened. I guess that is how it happens sometimes, things just start to come together and for me it happened in 1 year. I landed a solidly good job with an amazing organization. I met the man of my dreams, I paid off more than half of my student loan and I got a new car! I'm going to be 26 in a week and this is what my life is. That isn't to say that every day is terrific, that wouldn't be realistic or honest of me t0 portray that. The good things outweigh the bad things and that's something to be thankful for. 

Things I'm excited for:

My garden - I just planted onions outside this afternoon and I have Basil, Cilantro, Tomatoes, Rosemary and Peppers started inside. My hope is to have potatoes, lettuce and cabbage in the ground by the end of the week. I can't wait to have everything planted and watch it all grow. I really enjoy gardening

Taste of County - My BEST friend and I are going to a big country music festival in June and I can absolutely not wait!! Kenny Chesney is going to be playing and I just love seeing him in concert. 

Fishing season - Trout season opened up on the first and I've been out a couple of times since then. Haven't had much luck yet, but I'm hoping to get out on the water more often. We were able to get out on the Hudson River this weekend to jig for Herring and casted Blood worms for Striped Bass a little. With the early Spring it appears the migratory fish are in the river earlier than they were last year, but it may still be too early for the big Stripers. 

Vacations - Mid-May is our first camping trip of the season, we will be heading to Vermont for a few days with my family. Memorial day is looking like a trip to the cabin in the Adirondacks and hopefully some good Brook trout fishing. There has been some talk about making a trip across the country in August/September to visit friends and see a bunch of cool stuff we've been wanting to see. Two of J's good friends are moving out to Northern California in a couple of months and we are dying to visit them.


I am hoping to keep up with this blog a little better than I have in the past. Life sure can get busy but I'd love to  share my experiences and stories with you all. Here's a picture for the road:

 

Gosh, It's been quite a long time. Here I am, back in New York and not very pleased about it. I came back to see my family and to try to straighten out my job situation for a while.. honestly, it's not going great. I had 2 phone interviews and then found out I didn't get the job. Another big disappointment. The rejection doesn't seem to get any easier. I miss my boyfriend more than anything, I just want to wake up to him in the morning and get the kiss him goodnight. The distance is absolutely tearing me apart and I can feel the depression settling in. I'm desperately trying to stay positive but it seems downright impossible some days. I'm trying to not spend any money, which is difficult because that means I can't drive to the rail trail to run or go hiking for the most part because that calls for driving and driving calls for gasoline. This isn't all to say that I'm not doing some worthwhile stuff. I did go for a run today and I read The Kite Runner, which I've been wanting to read. I just started Jackie Robinson's autobiography which is astoundingly inspiring. I did some painting over the weekend and I cleaned my car and the preschool a lot. I sorted through my clothes and donated a bunch of them and I consolidated my other stuff quite a bit. Tomorrow I need to schedule a dentist & doctor's appointment and figure out how I'm going to come up with the money to get my brakes fixed. Gotta just take things one at a time and get myself back to North Carolina. This place doesn't even resemble home for me anymore.

cloudy with a chance of no job :(

Having a bad day. As I write this I am using my college diploma, my 38k a year bachelor's degree, as a mouse pad. I probably could have saved myself some serious cash and just gone to staples and purchased a mouse pad for 4 bucks. I could've splurged and got the $10 one and it still would've been a better investment. I have these days, these terribly discouraging days. I know this will all make me a stronger person, but I have to say that I am scared. I am happy here, very happy to be in North Carolina.. but scared because I don't want to have to leave. I know I'll look back on this time very fondly one day. Honestly, I'm looking at it fondly right now too, but that isn't to say that I'm not kind of scared shitless. Growing up is hard. The decisions I make get more difficult every month, every year. I have to say tho, I do feel like I am getting closer.

Happiness & money

The past few days have been rather full of tough choices or weighing out choices that I may be presented with soon. There are times when it feels as though I can never have everything. Is it crazy that I want it all? I want the relationship and the job and the friends and location that I love. Or can't I have a combination of most of those things? haha. Anyway, sometimes all it takes is one piece of really good advice at the right time. Yesterday one of the people closest to me gave me this advice; "Your happiness is more important than money." Of course this belief is one of the reasons I love this person. Maybe I was desperately in need of approval that I was making the right choice to turn down a job that I was desperately suspicious that I would hate. At the end of the day I think I did the right thing. I always have valued hard work, but I don't think I realized how hard you have to work sometimes. I was under the sort of impression that if I went to college and studied hard and got a degree that WAS the hard work. Does it sound foolish that I thought that? Well anyway, I'm learning the hard way.. or the "hard work" way I should say.

On that note, I had a job interview yesterday. Let me be more specific. I had an interview for a job that I am extremely excited about. I really really really am crossing my fingers, this would be an amazing opportunity for me and I would only have to move about an hour and a half away from where I am now. I also received an email from another organization I applied to saying that they will be setting up interviews within the next few days. Exciting things happening in my life. What I really need is any job right now so I can pay my student loan. 

Moving right along, I can't wait for tomorrow to get here. I am traveling along the coast to attend a formal event on Saturday night. I purchased a very pretty blue gown a month or so ago and I'm looking forward to getting dressed up. I am fortunate enough to have a very lovely date as well :D

The torture that is landing a good job

I've decided to try something out. Here is where the idea began. It will be two years in December that I packed nearly all of my belongings into my car and headed home. I had done everything I could to get done with school a semester early (although I would technically graduate in May I was satisfied to just be going home). You see my boyfriend was at home and I had big dreams that I felt would just materialize. I'm not sure I actually thought that, but I certainly didn't imagine that two years later I still wouldn't have a job in the field of my degree. So a couple boyfriends and what feels like 200 job applications later I sit here in a Barnes and Noble in North Carolina thinking about my life
 and future. I've decided to chronicle my experiences looking for a job in this crazy world. I know I'm not alone in my journey as a job seeker, and in hopes of helping ease the minds of those of you in my position I encourage you to laugh at my experiences. Laughter, I believe, truly is the best medicine.

I went to a staffing agency yesterday and only after being presented with a math quiz that was to be completed without a calculator did I realize I have completely forgotten how to do long division. Yes, I know, seems kind of pathetic.. However, doesn't that speak to how utterly ridiculous it was that my ability to do long division was being used to see if I was eligible for a job. I graduated with honors with a bachelor's degree... That either completely discredits our education system, or our system of hiring or both (I'm going to go out on a limb and say both). Not to mention, I wasn't trying to get a job doing accounting (I'm sure they especially get to use calculators) Lets just say I was a little bit pissed off. Give me a god damn calculator. I'm not going to say I used my phone calculator, I think that would show off my ability to solve problems tho.. If I had in fact used it.

I must say tho, I left that place strangely cheerful, because I was starting to realize how truly fucked up our system is. I had shifted from thinking there was something wrong with me to being suspicious of where the bigger problem lay. Let me end this by saying that I googled how to do long division when got home, nobody's going to pull that one over on me again

23.

I have a good feeling about the 23rd year of my life. Somehow this year feels like it is going to be more about me and what makes me happy than the previous few years have been. I want to emphasize something, for the sanity and the sake of anyone reading this. Not every moment of every day is perfect and bright and cheerful. I am just like everyone else in that I have days that I feel less than optimistic and happy. I am very much about self-awareness and taking steps back to really look at myself and the person I am and the person I want to be. Having some bad days is something I can come to grips with, because it makes the good days that much better. Last night I watched a few Jenna Marbles videos and the one that really struck me is called "Draw My Life" (Here is the link to the video) Above all, this video reminded me that every single one of us has lonely days, lonely weeks even. We all have hard decisions to make, Every one deals with heartbreak in their lives. You are never alone, even if it simply be in the fact that there are other person out there going through similar things to you. 

On another note, there is this girl at a local gas station that is so sweet every time i go there. I genuinely appreciate that she goes out of her way to be friendly and nice. I'm making more of an effort to be friendly and go out of my way for people. It might not make any difference in the world, but it feels worth the risk.

Reality

Interesting things have been happening in my life. The past month and a half or so I have spent a considerable amount of time running around and a considerable reduced amount of time on tumblr and the computer in general. I might add a reduction in time spent in my room as well. I've been running and working and studying and kayaking and hiking and eating good food and playing softball and reading and exploring and going to baseball games and going to the beach. My life feels fuller than it has in a long time and I feel so very satisfied. I've had this notion for a long time that I couldn't do things on my own. It seems that I thought I needed all this emotional support from the wrong people. I don't mean this in any way negatively towards those people either, this post is way more about myself. I've discovered that it was surprisingly easy to bounce back to being on my own, it was remembering that I never truly am on my own. I went for a hike with an old friend that I hadn't seen in quite a while and he passed along a quote that someone passed along to him. This is how it goes: 

"My sky feels smaller when no longer sharing the horizon,
Its twice the size and all to myself. Selfish, You say? It’s a humble reminder that the world was yours from the start"

Grace, not perfection.

Some days it feels like there is nobody I can talk to. Today is one of those days. The last few days have been stressful; between work and the uncertainty of what is next for me. There are moments where I'd just like to crumble, and reduce myself down. Feeling a little lost in this big old world. There are times when I wonderful how everyone else navigates through life and dodges obstacles. I'd say more likely than not, it's actually about how one deals with obstacles they are presented with, not about dodging. Today is a day where I feel I've hit a dead end. I am finishing up the short answer questions for an Americorps application. I'm trying to persist with this, even though it feels like a hopeless day, I know tomorrow has unlimited potential to be better. And as one of my favorite quotes goes;

 "I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection."
 

peaceful

I am sitting here at my desk listening to a song that has been one of my absolute favorites for a long time. The song is "Bless the Broken Road" By Rascal Flatts. If ever down the road I happen to get married I'd like to have this song played. I am straight relaxing right now, about to start studying for the LSAT. It is beautiful outside and the light through my window is perfect. I've been looking out that window for the past 23 years, and somehow I feel like I'm on the edge of a stage in my life. I know there will be a time in my life where I will miss the view from this window and I will miss the peacefulness I enjoy in this room with music the playing. And right now I feel like I can appreciate what i have while still being exciting about what's next. 
          

lovely Sunday

Sunday is such a lovely day. It feels as if May came out of nowhere, I don't remember April happening!! I've been quite busy which is probably why the time seems like it flew by. Work, running and studying has done a good job at keeping me always moving. In 9 days my love will be graduating from Marine Combat training. How proud I am of him! What an accomplishment. We will have been together for 5 months on the 12th of this month. Yesterday I received 5 letters from him!!  And I have many exciting things to look forward to as well. Last Sunday I registered for the LSAT which I will be taking on June 10th. What a big step I've taken in my life, I can hardly wait to start down that road. Not every day is a good day, but I'd say there are many more good days than bad recently. For that, I can't fairly complain. Well it is time for me to be productive!!

Hiking & Mango Margaritas

My life has been pretty lovely. I've been busy lately which has probably contributed to my happiness, I haven't had the time to bother myself about things. Working full time has been really good for me and I have just taken time to go hiking and out for drinks, etc. in the time I do have free. I had the most divine Mango Margarita on Saturday. 

 

Crazy, beautiful, busy life.

Whoa, my life has been crazy busy for the past 3 weeks. It all started with the trip to South Carolina and then the ten days of Greg being home. The day Greg left I started working full time at the veterinary hospital. Getting back into the swing of working full time is really exhausting and crazy. I have to say though, I am happy to be working so much. I am grateful to be busy. Things are taking off, and although I feel like I have no time to even sit down I am happy how things are. I have been filling up the time that I am not working which leaves not much time to get stuff done like doing laundry, washing my car and finishing filing my taxes. Saturday after work I went to a local historical site that is the former home of a famous painter, it was a beautiful day. I was excited to do something that has been on my mental bucket list for quite some time. The bonus was being able to spend that time with my best friend. Sunday was Easter of course, I spent it in the city with my boyfriend's twin sister. She is really sweet and it was fun going to the city and visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Today of course I worked and then I went exploring for a while with my Mom. I just finished washing my car and the next item on my list is to go through all my clothes and get rid of a bunch of them! Wish me luck!

busy busy

Well, Greg is gone and I'm on my own again. I expect every time he leaves it will get easier to re-adjust, as it seems it is easier this time than it was the last. I am now working full time which, I think, will be a good distraction. Falling asleep without him last night sucked but I ended up getting a really good night's sleep because I was so tired. I never take great care of myself when he is home because I'm so busy. My free time this week will consist of getting things done and trying to get myself healthy again. I ordered new running shoes last week and when they arrive I am going to get myself back into a running schedule. I also recently read an article about detoxing diets so today or tomorrow I am going to get what I need for that. I'm not doing it to lose weight, but to cleanse my body. Although I have heard they suck I am looking forward to the challenge. Additionally, I am going to set aside time each day to study for the LSAT. There are two upcoming trips I need to start planning as well. The first trip is going to be to Florida at the end of May to visit Greg. The second trip is going to be to California with Deanna to go to visit Katina and possibly go to Disney and Vegas! Not to mention I need to clean my car, finish doing my taxes, get my phone charger back and research and apply for my first credit card! Exciting, new things happening!

                                                                            love

My love

My baby is home on leave from the Marines. Could he get any more handsome?

 

I just want everyone to know..

Drinking tea is not just a preference, it is a lifestyle choice.

 

Mm delicious food

It turned out that I didn't have to babysit today so I decided to make dinner. I found a recipe for Lemon Chicken & Spinach Risotto (Here is the recipe). Let me tell you, I outdid myself. I happen to really enjoy risotto, this is the second time I've made it. The first time I made pumpkin risotto which was also very good. Pretty proud of myself. 
     Anyway, I had a very nice weekend although it seems like it flew by. Yesterday I attended a Saint Patrick's day Parade and had a few beers with some of my friends from high school. It was so nice outside we didn't even need jackets! Yesterday was a recharging day, the kind that makes you forget all your worries. I leave for South Carolina on Wednesday, so exciting! I am very much looking forward to enjoying the warm weather down there. I'm not going to have to wear boots! Yay! Have a wonderful day everyone!!!

If I've learned one thing

If I've learned one thing about life it is that I don't know anything about life. I'm learning to embrace the fact that I haven't a clue what is going to happen down the road. The unknown can be really scary, I suppose the only thing I can do is chase my dreams. I felt a ting of sadness tonight and I am doing what I need to cope with that; writing. I've tried hard at times to make sense of things that were happening in my life and I haven't gotten far on that track. The farthest I've gotten is trying to just embrace the present moment and attracting positive things into my world. I am blessed.

..

I love a good challenge.

Say Hello.

So here's my new favorite song, give it a listen:

 

            

        I don't have too much to say today, mostly because it was a day of minimum bothersome thoughts. I watched a very intriguing surgery this morning and then had my favorite yogurt for lunch and some green tea at Starbucks. I also got some studying done. I'm a lucky person, I feel blessed. I am very much looking forward to this weekend, I have some serious chilling planned with my best friend. Tomorrow I start work at 3 so I am going to think of somewhere to go exploring and get some fresh air. I think I'll also finish the dream board I've been working on. Looking forward to another day :)

Mountains & Rice

This is where I went today, it was a beautiful day.

This is such a big part of the meaning of 'home' for me.

 

 

 

          The mountains make me feel like I'm living in a snow globe some days. It was in the low 40's today and the sun was shining, it was so nice to spend some time outside. I watched the geese swimming and they seemed so happy. As I stood there watching, I realized how much I wanted to study environmental law and be a part of protecting the beautiful creatures in this world. I get so much from those mountains and the trees, what would I do if they weren't there? It felt like a really important moment, and I'm so glad it happened. Now off to work to help the domestic fuzzy little creatures out there. Oh, one more thing, I made rice by myself for the first time today. I'm gonna pat myself on the back for not burning it.