Keep (or start) crafting my friends.

I am learning as I go that life is often more about knowing how to deal with yourself than anything else. When I look back on mistakes I've made in my life they are predominantly all a product of not knowing how to deal with my emotions. Sometimes what you really need to do instead of eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's and calling your ex-boyfriend 20 times is to channel that energy into something else. I can't tell you how much this has helped me when I have managed to pry my thoughts away from whatever it was that was bothering me. I am lucky to have many hobbies: painting, writing, scrapbooking, sewing, baking, knitting, crocheting. However, sometimes I just take that opportunity to learn a new craft or read a book. My boyfriend has been away at Marines bootcamp for 39 days (I haven't been counting or anything..). Let's just say that leaves me with a lot of free time to think about how much I miss him. I know the best thing I can do for myself and for my relationship is to stay busy. The best way I've found to keep my mind from dwelling on what I'm missing is to keep my hands busy painting, drawing, crocheting. I miss him terribly, but I don't want to ever be that girl that sits around feeling bad for myself, rotting into the ground waiting for my boyfriend. Keeping myself busy and enriching myself doesn't mean I care about him or miss him any less. I maintain my own identity, because I am afraid my relationship would crumble if I didn't. I am afraid my boyfriend would find me a painfully boring person if I sat around and waited for him. And to put it frankly, I would be really bored as well. No matter where you are in your life, no matter what it is that is haunting your thoughts, I dare you to try something new. Read a new book. Take a painting class. Learn how to knit. I don't claim to be an expert, but keeping my hands busy crafting has kept my mind pleasantly busy as well.

And so it begins..

I am growing increasingly weary of facebook. There, I said it. I know you're probably thinking "Okay, so then stop going on it." Well folks, it just ain't that easy. I am addicted, definitely. Facebook has became a routine and as many of you know it can be difficult to break something when it becomes a habit. But really, It has became tiresome to scroll through my news feed. Half the posts I just don't care about and another quarter of them are either negative, annoying, or both. Not to mention, on my quest to be a better, more fulfilled, person I think facebook just incubates bad habits and characteristics in a person. There are better, more enriching ways I should be spending my time. Now to wean off or go cold turkey, that is the question.

   On another note, I finally made a terrarium! I will admit that it didn't come out exactly as I had hoped it would, but it is a good first try. I have plenty more supplies to make another, I just need to find the perfect glass container. I think having at least one more terrarium in my room will give it a nice visual appeal. There is something slightly beyond words about having living things in your space. I had fun making the first one, especially going moss hunting outside. Moss is really an amazing thing, in the dead of winter it is still living and green. One of my absolute favorite things to do is walk barefoot on a lush patch of moss. I love the feeling of moss on bare toes. Perhaps that is part of the essence of summer. 

Here is a photo of the three terrariums I made. Aren't they lovely? I am really loving the red flowers in the tall jar and the little cow I found for the rounded one. I recently finished one of the large Yankee candles (another obsession of mine) and I melted the remaining wax from it and transformed it into the smallest terrarium you see there.

thankful

It's amazing how quickly your life, your attitude, your perspective, can change. I'd say that more often than not I wake up in the morning and throughout the day I keep having thoughts about how grateful I am for the things I have. There are things I want that I don't have. I don't have the job I want to have, and I don't have an apartment of my own. But despite not having some things I'd like to have, I am happy. I am blissful. I am grateful. I am calm. I have a handful of really awesome, honest, true friends. I have a wonderfully supportive family that wants the best for me. I have a bachelor's degree.  I have a job that I enjoy. I have a wonderful, kind, understanding, boyfriend. A warm, happy relationship. I am so thankful.

    

I'm in deep.

"Hey Sweetie, I need you here tonight

And I know that you don't wanna be leaving

Yeah, you want it but I can't help it

I just feel complete when you're by my side

but i know you can't come home." 

 

 I've never really dealt with something like this before. Anytime that someone in my life has gone away I've always been able to talk to them if I really needed to. I've never been so completely out of control of a situation. Although on the other hand, I am in control of how I react. I promised myself I'd be strong, and so far so good. Last night the amount that I miss him really hit me full force, but I went to sleep and in the morning I felt better. There is no use in making a tough situation even more difficult, may as well make the best of it. 

"I can't sleep, ain't no sleep a-coming

I'm just lying here thinking 'bout you

I'm in deep, falling deep into the picture

In my mind of everything were gonna do"  

Timing

Sometimes things happen to me and it makes me feel like maybe there is a God up there and maybe he's good to the skeptics too. It isn't really a secret that I'm on the long road to recovery after a 3 year relationship. I say I'm on the long road because I don't believe there is a short road if you want to do it the right way, and even if there was one I don't think I'd be on it. Regardless, things have been happening to me that leave me feeling good about the world; happy, content. I'm not in any way an advocate for rebound relationships, and that isn't exactly what I've done, or at least it isn't what I want to focus on. I want to focus on the fact that a really lovely person has come into my life, and I am so happy he did. Beyond the fact that I like this person as more than a friend, this is one of the things that I feel happened to help me. I typically try to give everyone a chance, I like people and I give them chances. I realize nobody is perfect. At the same time, I haven't came across a lot of people that I can open up to, I don't trust many people. Especially coming out of a relationship it can be challenging to trust people again. I really truly think this particular person is a really good person, one worthwhile of my trust. Not to mention, that despite the fact that I've only really known him for a couple months at most, and the fact that he is going away in 11 days (FOR GOOD) he's gonna be a person that I am always there for if he needs anything. That is a big statement for me to make, I understand that. Sometimes people make big gestures and big sacrifices, and I feel that they deserve something for that even though that isn't the reason they do it. How can I describe this person to help you understand? He is mindful and realistic and even though I've felt like an idiot in front of him, I never felt like he was judging me. He is smart and he is an individual, he respects himself and he respects others. He also puts his finger in my face and annoys me on purpose to watch me get irritated because he thinks it's cute, but I can deal with that. Anyway, I had a conversation with this person last night and it left me feeling really sad that there couldn't really possibly be a future with this guy and I tossed and turned in my bed before I was able to fall asleep. At 7:30 I woke up from a text from my best friend. After trying for 5 minutes to fall asleep again I decided to give up and I proceeded to lay in my bed and text my best friend for the next half hour. Getting that text is the next thing that seems to have happened at perfectly the right time. Talking to her managed to shake me out of my emotional bad mood and put things in perspective. I have the very best friends. The third thing that is amazingly perfect timing is the fact that my other best friend is coming home on the 17th, the day after the guy is leaving. Perfect timing? I think so.

Have faith

I've been thinking a lot lately about the things that we pass up in life. My contemplation on this subject stems from two things I've passed up in the past 6 months; a possible relationship and a job opportunity. There have been more than a couple times when I have thought about that job opportunity and the fact that I passed it up and I've felt the regret creep up. Mostly I try to not think about the things I've pushed aside, because I know there are better things that will come. Having faith that something else will pop up has been so key for me. The relationship is a bit easier to rationalize, because with love there often are things that just click or don't click and I really had a feeling something was just missing. Nevertheless, there are times I think about that guy and I feel a twinge of regret that I didn't give him more of a chance. In the end, however, my overall feeling is that there were many times in my life that I grabbed a hold of a relationship or an opportunity because I didn't have faith that something better was out there and I ended up regretting that the most. Another problem with suffering from a lack of faith is that it is harder to let go of things that deep down (or not-so-deep-down) feel wrong, because you don't have enough faith that something better will come along. Having faith in yourself and your abilities to achieve something better is far greater than any relationship or any job opportunity standing alone. Having faith in yourself can take you anywhere, and I am happy and thankful to have learned this lesson. There are days that I still get down on myself, but feeling steadfast in my abilities to achieve whatever I dream keeps me holding on. Have faith.

my top 5 favorite teas

If there is one thing I love it is tea. My mild obsession with tea fully took flight a few years ago and ever since I have been eager to find my favorites. Here is a list of my top 5 favorite teas, in no particular order. The descriptions have been copied from the company websites.


1. Celestial Seasonings Authentic Green Tea with white tea
  "An authentic green tea with the best of both worlds: green tea benefits like flavonoid antioxidants and great taste" 

You can purchase this tea on the celestial seasonings website 

2. Yogi Green tea Blueberry Slimlife
 "Green Tea Blueberry Slim Life is specifically formulated to help give you the energy you need to maintain an active lifestyle while dieting. We add Organic Green Tea and Garcinia Cambogia Fruit Extract in combination with Ginseng and Eleuthero Extracts to support stamina. Light and sweet Blueberry flavor and hints of Organic Hibiscus make Green Tea Blueberry Slim Life a fragrant and delicious addition to a weight loss program of exercise and a balanced diet.*"

3. Yogi Sweet Tangerine Positive Energy
 "This harmonizing and aromatic blend is designed to help energize and elevate your mood. An intriguing and delicious blend of Organic Assam Black and Green Maté in combination with Ashwagandha, Shankpushpi and Tulsi-herbs traditionally used to uplift the spirit- helps to provide energy and the natural support you need to positively influence your mood.* Sweet Tangerine Positive Energy combines sweet, floral Lotus Flower flavor with Tangerine flavor and Lemon Myrtle for a bright and spirited tea that’s sure to leave you smiling."

You can purchase this tea on the Yogi website 

4. Traditional Medicinal Organic Echinacea Plus
 "Organic Echinacea Plus® activates and stimulates immune cells,* helping you to reduce the duration of symptoms.It’s clinically tested! Organic Echinacea Plus® was the subject of a double blind, placebo-controlled clinical study showing it was effective in reducing symptoms as well as shortening their duration.Echinacea Plus® has a fresh and mild mint flavor with a twist of citrus. You can taste a characteristic tingle on your tongue from the alkylamides in echinacea, which is one of the important indicators of herb quality."

You can purchase this tea on the Traditionals Medicinal website 

5. Tazo Zen
 "Tazo® Zen™ Tea is a refreshing and invigorating blend of full-flavored, pan-fired green teas from China, blissfully combined with lemon verbena leaves, lemongrass and spearmint. Its sweet, lingering flavor can't be fully expressed in words, but must be directly experienced."

 You can purchase this tea on the starbucks website