"She always wears blue"

stomachache. headache. heartache. I would probably feel better if I ate something, but the thought of food right now is nauseating. I just took a cold-eeze, which probably isn't helping my cause. Probably doesn't make a difference, I think I'd feel like this either way.
      I was up until 2:30 this morning. I woke up and I had knocked a bunch of stuff off my dresser, an indication of how I slept. Restless doesn't even begin to cover it. Since I barely got any work done last night, I had to wake up at 6:30. Usually I'm pissed at my alarm clock and I just want to go back to sleep, but this morning I felt numb. Unfortunately that feeling soon left, leaving me feeling sick to my stomach and weak. I have a full day ahead of me, oh joy.
Ironically, today I used the very last page in a beautiful leather journal that was a gift from someone I used to care about deeply. I didn't want to end that journal on such a sour note but I didn't have much choice, I felt like I needed to write. 
        So, what's next? Where do I go from here? Naturally I just want to curl up in my bed and cry my eyes out. I've done that too much in the last 2 years. Maybe it really is time to put this to bed once and for all. It just doesn't sit right with me, I wish it did....or maybe I don't, who knows. It is overcast today, which fits my mood nicely. I couldn't really care less what the weather is like today, I won't be spending any time outside. Still, the sunshine at least had a chance of raising my spirit. I've had this thought more than once, sometimes I really wish I had a choice between physical injury and emotional injury. 9 times out of 10 I would choose physical. At least if I break my arm it hurts and then it's done. There are remedies for broken bones, but there is no cure, no medicine for a wounded heart. I shouldn't complain, I brought this on myself, but unfortunately that doesn't make me feel any better.
        I never wanted to be this girl that mopes about her sorrows. So I will do my best to exclude this specific ailment from my blog from now on. I can't make any promises, but I will do my very best. Nobody wants to read about heartache....actually a lot of people probably do, but for my own sake I'm going to try to steer clear of it. Nothing was ever made better by being dwelt upon. Plus, it is my intention to elude these feelings as much as humanly possible, I know how unsuccessful that usually is but I have to give it a try. You know what they say, out of sight, out of mind. Wishful thinking, maybe. But maybe not. Maybe this time will be different, you just never know.