Are there blog rules?

Yes, I know this is my third post today. I am well aware, thanks. I just had to write AGAIN. This will make up for some of the days I forget to post. So I just went on a run. I was all waiting until it was warm enough to run outside...I hate to be a complete Debbie downer, but it may have actually been too warm. Well I survived. I felt....out of shape.....butttttt it also felt good to go out and get my blood pumping and move my legs around. I am going to try to run every day. This week that is going to involve going to bed early and getting up early. Endorphins are perhaps the most amazing things on this planet. Natural anti-depressant, and they're free. You can't beat that. I want to set a goal, I want to run a marathon, or maybe a half marathon first. Maybe I will try to achieve that the Spring I graduate. That would be two accomplishments I would be really proud of. I want my body to feel good and healthy again. I am also considering (prepare yourself for this one) giving up meat again....for a while at least. Maybe this will be my 21st birthday resolution. Hey, why not?

Adam Young

"...and I’d be a total liar if I said I wanted to let go. But I knew I had to.

       Perhaps THAT, dear friends, is the hardest part of saying goodbye to someone; knowing you MUST move on even though every fiber of your being screams at you to obey your instincts to cling for dear life. Maybe that’s why the mountaineer must grit his teeth, dig in his claws and continue the climb, no matter the cost, no matter the odds, no matter the price. Every aching muscle screams at him to give up and go home but he MUST be strong, resilient, resolved and steadfast. It’s funny how the word “integrity” means nothing until you stare Anguish in the face and tell her sister Agony to beat it.

I stood on the steps like a stranger as I watched her walk to the car, back out the driveway, pull away down the street and disappear into the night.

And let me tell you this:  

Letting go made a mountain climber out of me, because saying goodbye was my Everest.

       However, despite such odds, the summit has been reached. Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life… but of course, it goes without saying that my strength is not my own, for I’ve been given far more grace than I deserve. Despite such a daunting task, I rest assured because I know I am not climbing alone, and that’s a heartening thought. The inescapable issue is the fact that I’ll never be able to listen to Remember To Breathe by Dashboard Confessional again without thinking about her. I suppose I can live with that.

       You’ve got mountains of your own, I’ll bet on it. Take heart. Be encouraged. Remain steadfast. Hang on for dear life. You’ve got a better grip than you realize.

An excerpt from Adam Young's blog post "Saying Goodbye." He is such an eloquent writer. An inspiration. 

"She always wears blue"

stomachache. headache. heartache. I would probably feel better if I ate something, but the thought of food right now is nauseating. I just took a cold-eeze, which probably isn't helping my cause. Probably doesn't make a difference, I think I'd feel like this either way.
      I was up until 2:30 this morning. I woke up and I had knocked a bunch of stuff off my dresser, an indication of how I slept. Restless doesn't even begin to cover it. Since I barely got any work done last night, I had to wake up at 6:30. Usually I'm pissed at my alarm clock and I just want to go back to sleep, but this morning I felt numb. Unfortunately that feeling soon left, leaving me feeling sick to my stomach and weak. I have a full day ahead of me, oh joy.
Ironically, today I used the very last page in a beautiful leather journal that was a gift from someone I used to care about deeply. I didn't want to end that journal on such a sour note but I didn't have much choice, I felt like I needed to write. 
        So, what's next? Where do I go from here? Naturally I just want to curl up in my bed and cry my eyes out. I've done that too much in the last 2 years. Maybe it really is time to put this to bed once and for all. It just doesn't sit right with me, I wish it did....or maybe I don't, who knows. It is overcast today, which fits my mood nicely. I couldn't really care less what the weather is like today, I won't be spending any time outside. Still, the sunshine at least had a chance of raising my spirit. I've had this thought more than once, sometimes I really wish I had a choice between physical injury and emotional injury. 9 times out of 10 I would choose physical. At least if I break my arm it hurts and then it's done. There are remedies for broken bones, but there is no cure, no medicine for a wounded heart. I shouldn't complain, I brought this on myself, but unfortunately that doesn't make me feel any better.
        I never wanted to be this girl that mopes about her sorrows. So I will do my best to exclude this specific ailment from my blog from now on. I can't make any promises, but I will do my very best. Nobody wants to read about heartache....actually a lot of people probably do, but for my own sake I'm going to try to steer clear of it. Nothing was ever made better by being dwelt upon. Plus, it is my intention to elude these feelings as much as humanly possible, I know how unsuccessful that usually is but I have to give it a try. You know what they say, out of sight, out of mind. Wishful thinking, maybe. But maybe not. Maybe this time will be different, you just never know.