cloudy with a chance of no job :(

Having a bad day. As I write this I am using my college diploma, my 38k a year bachelor's degree, as a mouse pad. I probably could have saved myself some serious cash and just gone to staples and purchased a mouse pad for 4 bucks. I could've splurged and got the $10 one and it still would've been a better investment. I have these days, these terribly discouraging days. I know this will all make me a stronger person, but I have to say that I am scared. I am happy here, very happy to be in North Carolina.. but scared because I don't want to have to leave. I know I'll look back on this time very fondly one day. Honestly, I'm looking at it fondly right now too, but that isn't to say that I'm not kind of scared shitless. Growing up is hard. The decisions I make get more difficult every month, every year. I have to say tho, I do feel like I am getting closer.

Happiness & money

The past few days have been rather full of tough choices or weighing out choices that I may be presented with soon. There are times when it feels as though I can never have everything. Is it crazy that I want it all? I want the relationship and the job and the friends and location that I love. Or can't I have a combination of most of those things? haha. Anyway, sometimes all it takes is one piece of really good advice at the right time. Yesterday one of the people closest to me gave me this advice; "Your happiness is more important than money." Of course this belief is one of the reasons I love this person. Maybe I was desperately in need of approval that I was making the right choice to turn down a job that I was desperately suspicious that I would hate. At the end of the day I think I did the right thing. I always have valued hard work, but I don't think I realized how hard you have to work sometimes. I was under the sort of impression that if I went to college and studied hard and got a degree that WAS the hard work. Does it sound foolish that I thought that? Well anyway, I'm learning the hard way.. or the "hard work" way I should say.

On that note, I had a job interview yesterday. Let me be more specific. I had an interview for a job that I am extremely excited about. I really really really am crossing my fingers, this would be an amazing opportunity for me and I would only have to move about an hour and a half away from where I am now. I also received an email from another organization I applied to saying that they will be setting up interviews within the next few days. Exciting things happening in my life. What I really need is any job right now so I can pay my student loan. 

Moving right along, I can't wait for tomorrow to get here. I am traveling along the coast to attend a formal event on Saturday night. I purchased a very pretty blue gown a month or so ago and I'm looking forward to getting dressed up. I am fortunate enough to have a very lovely date as well :D

The torture that is landing a good job

I've decided to try something out. Here is where the idea began. It will be two years in December that I packed nearly all of my belongings into my car and headed home. I had done everything I could to get done with school a semester early (although I would technically graduate in May I was satisfied to just be going home). You see my boyfriend was at home and I had big dreams that I felt would just materialize. I'm not sure I actually thought that, but I certainly didn't imagine that two years later I still wouldn't have a job in the field of my degree. So a couple boyfriends and what feels like 200 job applications later I sit here in a Barnes and Noble in North Carolina thinking about my life
 and future. I've decided to chronicle my experiences looking for a job in this crazy world. I know I'm not alone in my journey as a job seeker, and in hopes of helping ease the minds of those of you in my position I encourage you to laugh at my experiences. Laughter, I believe, truly is the best medicine.

I went to a staffing agency yesterday and only after being presented with a math quiz that was to be completed without a calculator did I realize I have completely forgotten how to do long division. Yes, I know, seems kind of pathetic.. However, doesn't that speak to how utterly ridiculous it was that my ability to do long division was being used to see if I was eligible for a job. I graduated with honors with a bachelor's degree... That either completely discredits our education system, or our system of hiring or both (I'm going to go out on a limb and say both). Not to mention, I wasn't trying to get a job doing accounting (I'm sure they especially get to use calculators) Lets just say I was a little bit pissed off. Give me a god damn calculator. I'm not going to say I used my phone calculator, I think that would show off my ability to solve problems tho.. If I had in fact used it.

I must say tho, I left that place strangely cheerful, because I was starting to realize how truly fucked up our system is. I had shifted from thinking there was something wrong with me to being suspicious of where the bigger problem lay. Let me end this by saying that I googled how to do long division when got home, nobody's going to pull that one over on me again

23.

I have a good feeling about the 23rd year of my life. Somehow this year feels like it is going to be more about me and what makes me happy than the previous few years have been. I want to emphasize something, for the sanity and the sake of anyone reading this. Not every moment of every day is perfect and bright and cheerful. I am just like everyone else in that I have days that I feel less than optimistic and happy. I am very much about self-awareness and taking steps back to really look at myself and the person I am and the person I want to be. Having some bad days is something I can come to grips with, because it makes the good days that much better. Last night I watched a few Jenna Marbles videos and the one that really struck me is called "Draw My Life" (Here is the link to the video) Above all, this video reminded me that every single one of us has lonely days, lonely weeks even. We all have hard decisions to make, Every one deals with heartbreak in their lives. You are never alone, even if it simply be in the fact that there are other person out there going through similar things to you. 

On another note, there is this girl at a local gas station that is so sweet every time i go there. I genuinely appreciate that she goes out of her way to be friendly and nice. I'm making more of an effort to be friendly and go out of my way for people. It might not make any difference in the world, but it feels worth the risk.

Reality

Interesting things have been happening in my life. The past month and a half or so I have spent a considerable amount of time running around and a considerable reduced amount of time on tumblr and the computer in general. I might add a reduction in time spent in my room as well. I've been running and working and studying and kayaking and hiking and eating good food and playing softball and reading and exploring and going to baseball games and going to the beach. My life feels fuller than it has in a long time and I feel so very satisfied. I've had this notion for a long time that I couldn't do things on my own. It seems that I thought I needed all this emotional support from the wrong people. I don't mean this in any way negatively towards those people either, this post is way more about myself. I've discovered that it was surprisingly easy to bounce back to being on my own, it was remembering that I never truly am on my own. I went for a hike with an old friend that I hadn't seen in quite a while and he passed along a quote that someone passed along to him. This is how it goes: 

"My sky feels smaller when no longer sharing the horizon,
Its twice the size and all to myself. Selfish, You say? It’s a humble reminder that the world was yours from the start"

Grace, not perfection.

Some days it feels like there is nobody I can talk to. Today is one of those days. The last few days have been stressful; between work and the uncertainty of what is next for me. There are moments where I'd just like to crumble, and reduce myself down. Feeling a little lost in this big old world. There are times when I wonderful how everyone else navigates through life and dodges obstacles. I'd say more likely than not, it's actually about how one deals with obstacles they are presented with, not about dodging. Today is a day where I feel I've hit a dead end. I am finishing up the short answer questions for an Americorps application. I'm trying to persist with this, even though it feels like a hopeless day, I know tomorrow has unlimited potential to be better. And as one of my favorite quotes goes;

 "I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection."
 

peaceful

I am sitting here at my desk listening to a song that has been one of my absolute favorites for a long time. The song is "Bless the Broken Road" By Rascal Flatts. If ever down the road I happen to get married I'd like to have this song played. I am straight relaxing right now, about to start studying for the LSAT. It is beautiful outside and the light through my window is perfect. I've been looking out that window for the past 23 years, and somehow I feel like I'm on the edge of a stage in my life. I know there will be a time in my life where I will miss the view from this window and I will miss the peacefulness I enjoy in this room with music the playing. And right now I feel like I can appreciate what i have while still being exciting about what's next. 
          

lovely Sunday

Sunday is such a lovely day. It feels as if May came out of nowhere, I don't remember April happening!! I've been quite busy which is probably why the time seems like it flew by. Work, running and studying has done a good job at keeping me always moving. In 9 days my love will be graduating from Marine Combat training. How proud I am of him! What an accomplishment. We will have been together for 5 months on the 12th of this month. Yesterday I received 5 letters from him!!  And I have many exciting things to look forward to as well. Last Sunday I registered for the LSAT which I will be taking on June 10th. What a big step I've taken in my life, I can hardly wait to start down that road. Not every day is a good day, but I'd say there are many more good days than bad recently. For that, I can't fairly complain. Well it is time for me to be productive!!

Hiking & Mango Margaritas

My life has been pretty lovely. I've been busy lately which has probably contributed to my happiness, I haven't had the time to bother myself about things. Working full time has been really good for me and I have just taken time to go hiking and out for drinks, etc. in the time I do have free. I had the most divine Mango Margarita on Saturday. 

 

Crazy, beautiful, busy life.

Whoa, my life has been crazy busy for the past 3 weeks. It all started with the trip to South Carolina and then the ten days of Greg being home. The day Greg left I started working full time at the veterinary hospital. Getting back into the swing of working full time is really exhausting and crazy. I have to say though, I am happy to be working so much. I am grateful to be busy. Things are taking off, and although I feel like I have no time to even sit down I am happy how things are. I have been filling up the time that I am not working which leaves not much time to get stuff done like doing laundry, washing my car and finishing filing my taxes. Saturday after work I went to a local historical site that is the former home of a famous painter, it was a beautiful day. I was excited to do something that has been on my mental bucket list for quite some time. The bonus was being able to spend that time with my best friend. Sunday was Easter of course, I spent it in the city with my boyfriend's twin sister. She is really sweet and it was fun going to the city and visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Today of course I worked and then I went exploring for a while with my Mom. I just finished washing my car and the next item on my list is to go through all my clothes and get rid of a bunch of them! Wish me luck!

busy busy

Well, Greg is gone and I'm on my own again. I expect every time he leaves it will get easier to re-adjust, as it seems it is easier this time than it was the last. I am now working full time which, I think, will be a good distraction. Falling asleep without him last night sucked but I ended up getting a really good night's sleep because I was so tired. I never take great care of myself when he is home because I'm so busy. My free time this week will consist of getting things done and trying to get myself healthy again. I ordered new running shoes last week and when they arrive I am going to get myself back into a running schedule. I also recently read an article about detoxing diets so today or tomorrow I am going to get what I need for that. I'm not doing it to lose weight, but to cleanse my body. Although I have heard they suck I am looking forward to the challenge. Additionally, I am going to set aside time each day to study for the LSAT. There are two upcoming trips I need to start planning as well. The first trip is going to be to Florida at the end of May to visit Greg. The second trip is going to be to California with Deanna to go to visit Katina and possibly go to Disney and Vegas! Not to mention I need to clean my car, finish doing my taxes, get my phone charger back and research and apply for my first credit card! Exciting, new things happening!

                                                                            love

My love

My baby is home on leave from the Marines. Could he get any more handsome?

 

I just want everyone to know..

Drinking tea is not just a preference, it is a lifestyle choice.

 

Mm delicious food

It turned out that I didn't have to babysit today so I decided to make dinner. I found a recipe for Lemon Chicken & Spinach Risotto (Here is the recipe). Let me tell you, I outdid myself. I happen to really enjoy risotto, this is the second time I've made it. The first time I made pumpkin risotto which was also very good. Pretty proud of myself. 
     Anyway, I had a very nice weekend although it seems like it flew by. Yesterday I attended a Saint Patrick's day Parade and had a few beers with some of my friends from high school. It was so nice outside we didn't even need jackets! Yesterday was a recharging day, the kind that makes you forget all your worries. I leave for South Carolina on Wednesday, so exciting! I am very much looking forward to enjoying the warm weather down there. I'm not going to have to wear boots! Yay! Have a wonderful day everyone!!!

If I've learned one thing

If I've learned one thing about life it is that I don't know anything about life. I'm learning to embrace the fact that I haven't a clue what is going to happen down the road. The unknown can be really scary, I suppose the only thing I can do is chase my dreams. I felt a ting of sadness tonight and I am doing what I need to cope with that; writing. I've tried hard at times to make sense of things that were happening in my life and I haven't gotten far on that track. The farthest I've gotten is trying to just embrace the present moment and attracting positive things into my world. I am blessed.

..

I love a good challenge.

Say Hello.

So here's my new favorite song, give it a listen:

 

            

        I don't have too much to say today, mostly because it was a day of minimum bothersome thoughts. I watched a very intriguing surgery this morning and then had my favorite yogurt for lunch and some green tea at Starbucks. I also got some studying done. I'm a lucky person, I feel blessed. I am very much looking forward to this weekend, I have some serious chilling planned with my best friend. Tomorrow I start work at 3 so I am going to think of somewhere to go exploring and get some fresh air. I think I'll also finish the dream board I've been working on. Looking forward to another day :)

Mountains & Rice

This is where I went today, it was a beautiful day.

This is such a big part of the meaning of 'home' for me.

 

 

 

          The mountains make me feel like I'm living in a snow globe some days. It was in the low 40's today and the sun was shining, it was so nice to spend some time outside. I watched the geese swimming and they seemed so happy. As I stood there watching, I realized how much I wanted to study environmental law and be a part of protecting the beautiful creatures in this world. I get so much from those mountains and the trees, what would I do if they weren't there? It felt like a really important moment, and I'm so glad it happened. Now off to work to help the domestic fuzzy little creatures out there. Oh, one more thing, I made rice by myself for the first time today. I'm gonna pat myself on the back for not burning it.

Six impossible things

“Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Exploring

This is where I went today.

Oh hey.

Ice on the cliffs over an old mine pond.

And the beautiful view.

Celebrity crush

Alright, so here it is, my celebrity crush; Mike Posner. It is a combination between his adorable smile, sexy voice and his goofy song lyrics that leave me with a dumb smile on my face. His music is fun and straight forward, definitely wanna see him in concert one day!

 And my favorite song of his right now; Gone in September.

Things I love

I heard something recently that really rang true. Here it is, that the secret to life lies behind the cliches. It makes so much sense though. There is a reason why cliches are over-used, because they are true. The second thing I wanted to do was make a list of things I love, for the sake of happiness. Here goes.


1. tea
2. starry nights
3. good books
4. learning
5. making new friends
6. flowers
7. candles
8. animals
9. warm socks
10. quotes
11. Mike Posner
12. cilantro
13. Kiss my Face Strawberry chapstick
14.  sunroofs
15. going on adventures/exploring
16.  painting my nails
17. laughing
18. writing
19. re-purposing things
20. taking baths
21. getting/sending letters
22.  organizing
23.  sushi
24. soft skin
25. ribbons
26. the smell of vanilla
27. hugging/touching 
28. finding things
29. ice cream
30. music
31. having an epiphany
32. holding hands
33. the ocean
34. meaningful conversations
35. rainstorms
 



That's what I came up with for now!

Beauty

This is where I went today.

Ice is fascinating.

I love exploring new places.

The ice was blue.

Taking it all in.

Sometimes I get a good feeling ;)

I have an overwhelming feeling that something good is going to happen to me soon. I applied to two jobs recently that I think I have a really good chance at getting. One of these jobs just seems so perfect for me and it would be basically the most exciting thing ever if I got it. Wow, it is really extremely exciting thinking about that. Big things happening! Yesterday I got the LSAT review book I ordered and I began reading that last night. The book actually seems like it is going to be really helpful, it has a bunch of techniques for eliminating questions and managing your time on each section. I'm going to find another job that I'm really excited about to apply to today. I really really really really needed a day off today. Yesterday I had reached the end of my rope. Today I'm going to catch up on some stuff I need to do and then go for a walk with my friend and her boyfriend this afternoon. Sometime this week I'm going to go to the Verizon store and get an upgrade and new plan. So, as much as I HATE going to Verizon, it will be cool to get a new phone. I really need to keep my focus on what is important right now and not let the negative shit get me down. I do have some things to be excited about. I also have to go after what I want really aggressively right now or else I'm going to just keep getting more upset about being stuck in this god forsaken place. Wahh bring on the day!

Ten Days Gone

This is what I'm listening to right now, this is what I can relate to.

Everything Is You

A valuable lesson

The past few months have taught me a valuable lesson, or maybe it was the past 3 years that taught it to me. Realistically, I think it was the demolition of everything I had built over the past 3 years that taught me the lesson. I have been looking at the recent loss in my life as the end all and be all of everything I know. That is pretty much true, but therein lies the problem. There is more to life then what I have been investing in. I haven't put near enough energy and emphasis on the construction of a career or on the pursuit of fresh air. I haven't really appreciated going out and doing things, by myself if I have to. I stopped doing things because there wasn't always someone there to do them with me. I've made a resolution to do many things differently for the next 20 days, it has started off well. I have forced myself to go into Target even when I wanted to just go home, I forced myself to go for a walk on the rail trail even though it was cold. I made a list this morning and I got 7 out of the 11 things done so far. I made plans for tomorrow so I don't end up sitting in my room the entire day. I've been going on facebook less. It feels good to not focus on the confusion in my life. If my prediction is right, I think the complication might seem a little clearer once I stop analyzing it. You know what? I'm doing okay.

 

Learn to calm the waves and master the monsters

Sometimes it is so difficult to live by the advice of my favorite quote:

"Learn to calm the waves and master the monsters, without allowing yourself to be carried away or caught by them."

-Thich Nhat Hahn

Sometimes it is difficult to dodge the waves in your life. Sometimes I wonder what the right thing is to do, and I almost always come to the conclusion to avoid over-thinking whatever is bothering me. Over-thinking tends to complicate thoughts and tangle you up in feelings you had no interest in becoming involved in. Life, I've learned, can be simple if we let it be. I can't change the way people are going to act or the things they are going to say, but I can control how I react to them. I'm choosing to not react to the waves in my life. I'm choosing to mix things up and start doing things a little differently. I'll let you know how that goes. Stay tuned.

Things I will never stop doing or never start doing

As I was riding in the car last night I had an interesting idea. Throughout the day I had been observing things that people said or did that I didn't really like. I decided to make a list of things I want to promise myself that I will never be, or will never stop being. Here it is so far, I will be adding to it as other things come to me.

1. A person that doesn't listen. 
If there is one thing that I have learned it is how important it is to listen to people. Everyone needs to have someone that they can talk to. I enjoy listening to people, because I care about the people in my life and because I know it helps them. Not to mention, sometimes you are so busy talking that you don't hear what people are trying to tell you about yourself. Listening is a habit that can really open up a relationship. I never want to stop listening.

2. Someone who doesn't recognize nor appreciate blessings in their life. 
I am constantly reminding myself of all the things I have to be grateful for. The people that I love, through their actions, are constantly reminding me why they are in my life and that is how I know they are meant to be there. There is nothing worse than the person that is constantly complaining and dwelling on the things they don't have. People who are appreciative are the people that have more blessings, because they can recognize them.

3. Someone who doesn't say 'I love you' enough.
This goes along with the previous one. Appreciating someone isn't enough, I never want to be the person that doesn't know how to tell someone that they love and appreciate them. The simplest things can show people you care and make all the difference.

4. A person that doesn't respect themselves. 
I've made choices in my life that I look back at and realize that weren't reflecting what I want or think anyone deserves. I am relating particularly in terms of a relationship, but I've written this one to have a much more broad meaning. I want to keep making choices throughout my life that don't undercut my sense of self-worth.

5. Someone who settles. 
 I don't want to settle for less than happiness. I don't want to settle for just money or just convenience. I want to get the most out of the decisions I make, and retain the strength to change things that are no longer lifting me up. 

6. A person that gets caught so much up in other people's business that they lose touch with themselves.
I have come across many people that make everyone's business their own. Some of these people are the same ones that have absolutely no grip on their own flaws or their own problems. I am always amazed at how evident it becomes to me how these people could probably fix their own problems if they spent just a fraction less of their time on meaningless gossip and more on their own life. This is something that bothers me more than anything when I come across it. And this might be the biggest thing on the list, because I think it leads to losing touch with so many aspects of your own life. I never, ever, want to be the person that doesn't focus on own life because I'm too busy focusing on meaningless gossip.

memory lane

My biggest problem with memory lane is that there aren't always rainbows or butterflies there, sometimes it still hurts a little, or a lot, to take that all so familiar stroll down memory lane. There are a lot of good times and smiles and laughs that I can think about, but the monsters down memory lane have a way of jumping out and dragging me to a place I don't care to visit. At the end of the day I have to remind myself that the pain and the sadness in my life has always taught me some sort of lesson, and for that I am thankful. I know that despite the pain I've felt, and the pain I still sometimes feel, I am strong and resilient and I'm going to be okay. Those 'monsters' in the past might get me down some days, but there are always gonna be other things that can lift me up again. I've felt sadness because I've taken risks and I've let people into my heart. I don't want to ever regret loving someone. I can regret decisions and mistakes, but showing someone love is something that is never worth regretting. When I feel like I'm getting dragged down parts of memory lane that I don't want to go I remind myself that I can be strong, that's a decision I can make. Make the decision to be strong.

Smile, today is a good day.

You can feel any way you want, starting right now. Increasingly I am realizing that happiness is something I can have despite the things going on around me. There are things that happen, things people say or do that I have many times in the past gotten me down. There are people that bother me, just their contact makes me upset. I'm sure often enough other people aren't trying to make you miserable or bother you, but they do. Most people have good intentions, but they don't always know how to navigate. Despite all the mistakes I have make, rarely is it that my intentions are bad. Sometimes I just act impulsively, or I don't realize the implications of my actions or words. Recently I have been presented with several situations where I could very easily get upset and feel miserable; but I didn't. Just this morning I saw something that in the past has had the power to ruin my entire day. For a long time this type of thing could ruin my day. This morning I saw it and for a few seconds felt myself becoming upset and I just stopped. I stopped. I remembered that I don't have to let those things define me or define my happiness. It was as easy as just realizing what was happened and making the decision to not let it bother me. And I'm telling you, I am having a good day. I found a positive quote and I posted it on facebook and I felt better, and I hope that quote made others feel better too. Let yourself be happy, smile.

Better Than I Used to Be

"I ain't as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better 

than I used to be"

There are days like today that remind me that I still have a fair amount of healing to do. I was listening to Tim McGraw's song "Better Than I Used to Be", and I felt how true his song really is. This morning I was blissfully unaware, riding in the car on my way to my grandma's house for breakfast at 8am when my stomach dropped and I felt myself fall swiftly out of my perfectly ignorant world when I saw my old boyfriend driving toward us. I don't know if there will ever be a good time to see this particular person, but I know there will be times when I am better prepared emotionally. The first time I saw him since the last time we actually hung out I was completely caught off guard as well and it did feel like a firm slap across the face out of the blue. I have yet to actually see him when one of us is not driving, but at this point I don't really think I am prepared for much more. Maybe though, the way you become emotionally prepared for such uninvited meetings is to fall straight into them, maybe fate has to throw that person your way a few times in order to mess you up a little bit and show you that you still wake up the next morning and the one after that. I suppose there is no protocol, things don't always go a certain way. I wonder if being confronted with emotionally offensive contact will make this healing process go more quickly in the long run. Or, would I feel nothing if I moved away and came back 2 years later and ran right into him? I tend to think that time is time and how I wrap my mind and my thoughts around the situation will determine the outcome. I create my own situation by how I react. I know there is some scar tissue from that last one, you may even stay the wound is still kind of bleeding, but in a way that I can come to terms with. A way that I already have come to terms with. I would be completely lying if I said every single day was a piece of cake. I would be lying if I said that old relationship never crosses my mind, it does. The important part is that every day I remember what I have in my life, the good things. Every day I remember what I left behind, and I would make the same exact decision today and I'd make it over and over. I don't think I could truly express what walking away from a bad situation did for my self-confidence and self-respect. The fog that surrounded me cleared away when I was able to be strong.  At the end of the day I made that decision on my own. There is nothing more empowering than doing something that you didn't think you had the strength to do anymore, or that you were so afraid of doing. Those old memories, they still make my heart ache. But I have no regrets about leaving that behind. Every day I ask myself if I am happy with the people that are a part my life and every day the answer is yes.

Keep (or start) crafting my friends.

I am learning as I go that life is often more about knowing how to deal with yourself than anything else. When I look back on mistakes I've made in my life they are predominantly all a product of not knowing how to deal with my emotions. Sometimes what you really need to do instead of eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's and calling your ex-boyfriend 20 times is to channel that energy into something else. I can't tell you how much this has helped me when I have managed to pry my thoughts away from whatever it was that was bothering me. I am lucky to have many hobbies: painting, writing, scrapbooking, sewing, baking, knitting, crocheting. However, sometimes I just take that opportunity to learn a new craft or read a book. My boyfriend has been away at Marines bootcamp for 39 days (I haven't been counting or anything..). Let's just say that leaves me with a lot of free time to think about how much I miss him. I know the best thing I can do for myself and for my relationship is to stay busy. The best way I've found to keep my mind from dwelling on what I'm missing is to keep my hands busy painting, drawing, crocheting. I miss him terribly, but I don't want to ever be that girl that sits around feeling bad for myself, rotting into the ground waiting for my boyfriend. Keeping myself busy and enriching myself doesn't mean I care about him or miss him any less. I maintain my own identity, because I am afraid my relationship would crumble if I didn't. I am afraid my boyfriend would find me a painfully boring person if I sat around and waited for him. And to put it frankly, I would be really bored as well. No matter where you are in your life, no matter what it is that is haunting your thoughts, I dare you to try something new. Read a new book. Take a painting class. Learn how to knit. I don't claim to be an expert, but keeping my hands busy crafting has kept my mind pleasantly busy as well.

And so it begins..

I am growing increasingly weary of facebook. There, I said it. I know you're probably thinking "Okay, so then stop going on it." Well folks, it just ain't that easy. I am addicted, definitely. Facebook has became a routine and as many of you know it can be difficult to break something when it becomes a habit. But really, It has became tiresome to scroll through my news feed. Half the posts I just don't care about and another quarter of them are either negative, annoying, or both. Not to mention, on my quest to be a better, more fulfilled, person I think facebook just incubates bad habits and characteristics in a person. There are better, more enriching ways I should be spending my time. Now to wean off or go cold turkey, that is the question.

   On another note, I finally made a terrarium! I will admit that it didn't come out exactly as I had hoped it would, but it is a good first try. I have plenty more supplies to make another, I just need to find the perfect glass container. I think having at least one more terrarium in my room will give it a nice visual appeal. There is something slightly beyond words about having living things in your space. I had fun making the first one, especially going moss hunting outside. Moss is really an amazing thing, in the dead of winter it is still living and green. One of my absolute favorite things to do is walk barefoot on a lush patch of moss. I love the feeling of moss on bare toes. Perhaps that is part of the essence of summer. 

Here is a photo of the three terrariums I made. Aren't they lovely? I am really loving the red flowers in the tall jar and the little cow I found for the rounded one. I recently finished one of the large Yankee candles (another obsession of mine) and I melted the remaining wax from it and transformed it into the smallest terrarium you see there.

thankful

It's amazing how quickly your life, your attitude, your perspective, can change. I'd say that more often than not I wake up in the morning and throughout the day I keep having thoughts about how grateful I am for the things I have. There are things I want that I don't have. I don't have the job I want to have, and I don't have an apartment of my own. But despite not having some things I'd like to have, I am happy. I am blissful. I am grateful. I am calm. I have a handful of really awesome, honest, true friends. I have a wonderfully supportive family that wants the best for me. I have a bachelor's degree.  I have a job that I enjoy. I have a wonderful, kind, understanding, boyfriend. A warm, happy relationship. I am so thankful.