If only I didn't make things more complicated than they need to be. This is the predicament I am in: I feel as though I need to do something (there is a specific thing on my mind but I am not going to disclose it, so bear with me) but I don't know when to do it. I mean, I formulated a plan, which can be difficult enough when so many feelings are involved. Waiting is, perhaps, the most difficult part. The plan has been made, and it is such a good plan, but the waiting is absolutely killing me. But I know, I have to hold on. I know that if I make a move before the already decided upon time I will ruin the plan altogether. So I suppose in the mean time I will have to deal with myself. I have been mulling over this the entire day and it is driving me crazy. I have 4 more days to wait. I should be all super excited about my birthday, but for the first time ever, all I want is for my birthday to pass so it can be Friday morning already. And then there is the concern that some part of the plan will not go how I expect it to. There is really only one factor that could be a big concern if it doesn't play out how I imagine it to.....and then there is a second part that I really hope turns out a certain way, but I am expecting the opposite. Always expect the worst, that way you cannot get hurt. That is one of the things I've never known whether to believe or not. In this case, I am going to choose to believe it. Seems like sound advice if I don't want to destroy myself, maybe that is what I am headed for anyway. I guess I will find out on Friday. Currently, I am sitting at my desk. I should be typing a two-page essay, or emailing a professor, or emailing my boss, or finishing my internship proposal, or figuring how to register for a class tomorrow, or at very least finishing the drawing that is in progress. But of course, I am not doing any of those things because my style is more of a wait-until-the-last-minute kind.
Yayyyyy, I made $84 in tips last night. I am blessed to really like all of the people I work with. The girl I worked with last night really reminds me of myself in some ways. We have a history of very similar guy issues. She is really sweet. We hung out for a little after work. Right now I am listening to Owl City (surprise surprise). That reminds me of years ago, for my birthday, Katina and Deanna made me cards and deanna wrote "Suprise" on the front. I still have the card and we still laugh about that. I think that was the same year that Deanna was pissed because she made the card at Katina's house and Katina wouldn't let her print out picture to put on her card. haha, I love those two. Last night before work I started a new drawing. I worked on it for probably an hour and a half straight. It isn't done but it looks pretty decent so far. It is a landscape in pencil, difficult because the instance I am trying to draw it was dark out. So far I am liking it, still needs a lot of work though. It is going to be a gift, I don't need to finish it until Friday. Drawing has a similar effect on me as running does. When I am drawing, everything that has been on my mind seems to just melt away.
