I wonder. Is it possible that we encounter the best of things in our lives. If we experience the best of the best, does that mean we're always going to be disappointed because we will always make comparisons? Am I destined to always be disappointed? I suppose I need to give this whole idea some time to settle in. I know this is going to sound mean probably, but I don't intend it to hurt anybody. So far, I'm completely disappointed. Maybe I haven't given the alternatives fair chances yet....am I supposed to force myself to tolerate things that I am clearly not interested in? The answer I keep coming back to is time. I just need to give myself time. I don't really feel comfortable forcing myself to do something that I clearly don't want to do. There is one alternative that I am mildly interested in exploring. I intend to explore this particular alternative at a pace that I feel good about: slowly. I guess in a way I am scared. I'm afraid because for the first time in my life I don't want to jump right in again. I don't think this is anything to be afraid of, I think it is a good thing. I think I am finally learning. Maybe this time I will give myself the time I need to heal properly. I don't want to rip the band-aid off in a few months and find out that the wound is just as deep, and just as painful as it is now. I don't feel like putting up with bullshit, I don't feel like playing games. I'm realizing that it is true, what I need to do is pursuit those things that make me happy. I need to stand up on my own and realize that I don't need help from anyone. I've come to terms with where I am at in life. I have come to terms with what has happened. I have accepted the choices I have made and the choices that have affected me. I can't very well change anything that happened, and at this point I don't feel like I even want to change anything. Mistakes were made, it feels liberating to let those mistakes go.
"I am on my way to a brighter day." Thank you Adam Young, for being awesome and always saying the right thing. The photo above makes me think of cotton candy, which in return, makes me smile because I really like cotton candy. Finals and presentations being over is also going to make me smile. Unfortunately, that means I have to go home. I'd prefer to go far away and hike big mountains and see lots of beautiful exotic things. I am very much looking forward to receiving the book that I ordered from Amazon, "The Last Unicorn." Also, I will be getting my cartilage pierced yet again when I return home. I have the most perfect little silver leaf earring. Hopefully this time the piercing will heal in a reasonable amount of time, there is no way I am putting up with that shit for two years again. Not.worth.it. I am looking forward to several things: the new owl city album, sun, green leaves, motorcycle rides and possibly softball. But mostly the new Owl City album lol. Oh, AND MY SUPER SECRET SUMMER PLAN. I'm sorry but I had to say that, I understand that everyone is probably dying to know what it is now. I'm sure it isn't nearly as cool as you're imagining.....no, actually it probably is just as cool, if not cooler. Sorryyyy.
