Have faith

I've been thinking a lot lately about the things that we pass up in life. My contemplation on this subject stems from two things I've passed up in the past 6 months; a possible relationship and a job opportunity. There have been more than a couple times when I have thought about that job opportunity and the fact that I passed it up and I've felt the regret creep up. Mostly I try to not think about the things I've pushed aside, because I know there are better things that will come. Having faith that something else will pop up has been so key for me. The relationship is a bit easier to rationalize, because with love there often are things that just click or don't click and I really had a feeling something was just missing. Nevertheless, there are times I think about that guy and I feel a twinge of regret that I didn't give him more of a chance. In the end, however, my overall feeling is that there were many times in my life that I grabbed a hold of a relationship or an opportunity because I didn't have faith that something better was out there and I ended up regretting that the most. Another problem with suffering from a lack of faith is that it is harder to let go of things that deep down (or not-so-deep-down) feel wrong, because you don't have enough faith that something better will come along. Having faith in yourself and your abilities to achieve something better is far greater than any relationship or any job opportunity standing alone. Having faith in yourself can take you anywhere, and I am happy and thankful to have learned this lesson. There are days that I still get down on myself, but feeling steadfast in my abilities to achieve whatever I dream keeps me holding on. Have faith.

my top 5 favorite teas

If there is one thing I love it is tea. My mild obsession with tea fully took flight a few years ago and ever since I have been eager to find my favorites. Here is a list of my top 5 favorite teas, in no particular order. The descriptions have been copied from the company websites.


1. Celestial Seasonings Authentic Green Tea with white tea
  "An authentic green tea with the best of both worlds: green tea benefits like flavonoid antioxidants and great taste" 

You can purchase this tea on the celestial seasonings website 

2. Yogi Green tea Blueberry Slimlife
 "Green Tea Blueberry Slim Life is specifically formulated to help give you the energy you need to maintain an active lifestyle while dieting. We add Organic Green Tea and Garcinia Cambogia Fruit Extract in combination with Ginseng and Eleuthero Extracts to support stamina. Light and sweet Blueberry flavor and hints of Organic Hibiscus make Green Tea Blueberry Slim Life a fragrant and delicious addition to a weight loss program of exercise and a balanced diet.*"

3. Yogi Sweet Tangerine Positive Energy
 "This harmonizing and aromatic blend is designed to help energize and elevate your mood. An intriguing and delicious blend of Organic Assam Black and Green Maté in combination with Ashwagandha, Shankpushpi and Tulsi-herbs traditionally used to uplift the spirit- helps to provide energy and the natural support you need to positively influence your mood.* Sweet Tangerine Positive Energy combines sweet, floral Lotus Flower flavor with Tangerine flavor and Lemon Myrtle for a bright and spirited tea that’s sure to leave you smiling."

You can purchase this tea on the Yogi website 

4. Traditional Medicinal Organic Echinacea Plus
 "Organic Echinacea Plus® activates and stimulates immune cells,* helping you to reduce the duration of symptoms.It’s clinically tested! Organic Echinacea Plus® was the subject of a double blind, placebo-controlled clinical study showing it was effective in reducing symptoms as well as shortening their duration.Echinacea Plus® has a fresh and mild mint flavor with a twist of citrus. You can taste a characteristic tingle on your tongue from the alkylamides in echinacea, which is one of the important indicators of herb quality."

You can purchase this tea on the Traditionals Medicinal website 

5. Tazo Zen
 "Tazo® Zen™ Tea is a refreshing and invigorating blend of full-flavored, pan-fired green teas from China, blissfully combined with lemon verbena leaves, lemongrass and spearmint. Its sweet, lingering flavor can't be fully expressed in words, but must be directly experienced."

 You can purchase this tea on the starbucks website
 
 

Something to remember

I think one of the most important things to remember is that if you focus on yourself and on achieving your goals, you will rarely go wrong. When you invest in yourself you open up the way for other areas of your life to go right. Focusing on yourself isn't selfish, it is smart investing. Focusing on yourself is not putting your eggs all in one basket, as long as your mind is open. At this point in my life I am guarded and suspicious of mostly everyone. Getting out of a long relationship shook my faith in trusting people, I am the one person i can trust. In time I will be able to trust people again, but I do need that time. Getting hurt is no fun, and it is naturally something you try to protect yourself from. I'm really not sure what or who I want right now, but i do know what makes me happy. The plan is to do what makes me happy and just be okay with letting whatever is supposed to happen follow.

love

"I've loved you since the first time I saw you. It just... happened, like rain or sunshine. You can't change something like that." -In the Land of the Long White Cloud

It's amazing what a deep breath can do

Sometimes it is hard to decide what is truly best for yourself. Most of the time, in my case (and probably a lot of other people's cases), In my heart i know what is best for me, but i do what makes me feel better at the time. Fortunately, I know that this is how i operate and this time i am going to try to actually do what in the long term is going to help me the most. It is always harder when other people's feelings are involved, of course, but you must do what you feel is best. What i am getting used to is taking a deep breath and taking a step back from my emotions and trying to be aware that my outlook on a situation determines how i will feel about it. I had gotten so far from the fact that my happiness is number one, that i have to get used to putting myself first. The past month has been really good though, i feel the best about myself than i have in a long time. There are always going to be moments of struggle, but I am learning how to deal with that. 
       It seems like ever since I have changed my attitude, good things have been falling into my lap. I've been able to spend some really quality time with some of my best friends, I've let go a lot and found myself just laughing and being happy without any conditions to fear. Another funny change I have noticed in myself is how i make plans. I don't, basically. I've just been letting life happen and not trying to plan my life out so much. I've found that the level of stress in my life has dropped off, and i can finally really relax. Feeling good has made me feel even better. There were times in my life that i actually believed that i may not ever feel this good again. Thinking about that, and how close it seems i had been to giving up, is pretty sad. Maybe I wasn't as close as I think though, I mean here i am today doing pretty good I'd say. I don't want to make any real plans about what my future is going to look like, but I can pretty surely say that I think it's gonna be real fucking cool.

Find myself

"I try to find myself in things, but never quite make it, and end up losing myself in them."

-A New Earth

A new leaf

I am inspired to write today, for i feel that the new leaf I have turned over deserves to be written about. The last month of my life is like i turned around and started in a completely new direction, one that i may have traveled on quite some time ago and somehow got lost. I'm quite happy to have found my way again. I've learned that sometimes in order to embraced the change you need in your life you have to take some risks and make some unexpected decisions. Just deciding one day to buy a ticket to Los Angeles was apparently just what i needed to wake myself up from the proverbial sleep I'd been immersed in. I don't mean to say this to knock the last few years, I say it simply because it is the truth. 
                  I deeply appreciate the simplest things now. I feel closer to knowing myself now than i have in a long time, i feel in control and it is wonderful. I was driving to my grandparents house the other day and I was admiring the beautiful fall leaves and the sunshine like I'd never seen them before in my life. I think about the fact that my grandfather is doing so well only 3 days after having brain surgery and it's like nothing in the world has mattered so much, and nothing could drag me down. Instead of just being complacent to what i want and making my decision based so firmly on someone else I can actually just think about myself and be selfish in a way that is 100% acceptable, in my opinion.